Parents can be the ultimate mystery,I think.  Secrets (any side of life) kept from friends, coworkers, and acquaintences never have as much effect as they do on family.  Some people know too much about their parents; others don’t know nearly enough.  It’s a balance, I suppose, that is different for everyone.  One of my mantras: Having resentments is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.  It never works that way.

I think this comment would be a little different, I am a mother, who is living a life undercover, with secret wishes, secret loves, pretending that life is fine for those I dont want to hurt. I guess i will be like your mom when i pass in that my family will find my personal effects and finally see who I am. They wont understand and may be hurt but they shouldnt be I still loved them tremendously.  I love my husband as a human being as a friend just not as deep seated love. Neither one of us wanting to be the first to end it. Like a comfortable pair of shoes that are worn and torn but you just cant bring yourself to get rid of them.

Sue--I was so touched by your confession. I think there are so many people out there living secret lives because they are trying to protect others--but that those secrets often take a serious toll on the person who is hiding something. There are significant costs to such secrets--just as there are significant costs to being truthful about who we are and what we need/want. Thanks for your perspective.